Marriage: True or False?

Marriage, a topic that is close to my heart. I've learned a lot in 3 years and I know there is still so much more to learn! This post is perfect for those who are newly engaged or if you have been married forever. I've taken a few common sentiments about marriage and tried to figure out which ones I have found to be true and which ones are false.

1) Never go to bed angry.

FALSE.

Maybe this works for a lot of couples, but personally, I need a chance to have some space and cool down. Plus, everything always looks better by morning! The anger is usually gone by then and you can think with a level head about the situation.

2) The first year of marriage is always really hard.

FALSE.

It just wasn't. Our first year of marriage was a natural transition and sure we had to make a few compromises but nothing that I thought was terribly hard. However, I do recognize that this can be a difficult time for many couples as they learn how to do life together!

3) Marriage is about finding your soulmate.

FALSE.

I am not sure I even believe in soulmates. Marriage is about finding someone else who makes you better and together you become more like Christ. It is about learning to serve each other and choosing every day to love each other unconditionally. Soulmates suggest that you can "fall out of love," but marriage is about choosing each other over and over again. (You can read more about that here.)

4) Your spouse is going to change.

TRUE.

Let's be honest, are you exactly the same person you were a year ago? 5 years ago? Of course not. You mature, you endure hardships, you take on new roles, and that changes us. That's okay. Sometimes even your interests change and that's okay too. They key is that you change together, in the same general direction, and you continue to love the people you are constantly becoming. 

5) You've got to live together first. 

FALSE.

I realize I am in the minority with my opinion on this. In fact, surrounded by Christian friends I was the only one who had not lived with a male before marriage- how's that for awkward? However, I stand by my opinion. I am not sure that the Bible speaks specifically to living together before marriage, but it does speak specifically to keeping yourself pure until marriage. Plus, you are cheating yourself out of part of the gift of marriage, which is a commitment to each other. That commitment is missing without the actual marriage. Research also says that couples who live together first are more likely to get divorced. I have been told by others that you don't really know each other until you "try out living together." Well of course not! That's part of marriage! I have heard some crazy, just silly reasons about why "it wouldn't work" as well. I could go on and on about this, but I would really recommend reading Getting Ready for Marriage by Doug Fields and Jim Burns.

6) Your spouse will complete you and fulfill all of your needs. You will never feel lonely again.

FALSE.

I think it is unfair for us to even place this expectation on our spouse. We all have a "God shaped hole" in our hearts that no man or woman can fill. Your fulfillment has to come from God, not something from this Earth.

7) Love is all you need. 

FALSE.

You also need to be able to support yourselves (Think about this one if you are super young and thinking about marriage!). You need communication. You need trust. You need selflessness. You need time together and time apart. You need to be able to resolve conflict  in a healthy manner. You need intimacy. 

8) Kids should be at the center of your attention. 

FALSE.

We don't have kids, so I can't speak to this specifically in our own marriage, but I do know from witnessing others' marriages, reading a lot on this topic,and thinking ahead to our future that you cannot let your world completely revolve around your  kids. Your kids will leave, but your spouse will still be there and you want to make sure you still know them. Plus, think about what your  kids could learn about marriage by watching yours. I think it is so important to make intentional time for each other and make each other a priority even after you have a child.

What would you add to this list??

I am linking up today at: Borrowed Heaven

3 years and 3 goals for marriage!

Today is our 3 year anniversary!

 Photography by: Mozingo Photography

I sure do love this man God has allowed me to spend my life with! This summer will mean a total of 9 whole years together - and we sure have come a long way from our 15 and 17 year old dating days!

Our first picture together on my 16th birthday!

We've spent a simple, quiet anniversary together. A little less adventurous than our first anniversary where we went camping and Justin was electrocuted due to lighting! Needless to say that trip was cut short.

After dinner at Olive Garden, which has become tradition, we took a stroll down by the lake in our neighborhood. I just love the lighting around dusk!

So in honor of 3 years I wanted to share 3 goals I have for our marriage ... and perhaps yours as well.

1) Have a marriage more beautiful then my wedding.

You've probably heard this one before, but it is so important. You spend a lot of time preparing and planning for your wedding, making sure each detail is perfect. As wonderful and special as the day is, it is just one day and speaking from experience, it goes by so quickly that you barely remember it. Much more important than the wedding is preparing for a life long commitment to each other and continuing to strength your marriage after the honeymoon is over. I desire for my marriage to be one that exhibits forgiveness, patience, respect, support, and an intimate love for each other and God.

2) May our wedding day be the day we love each other the least.
Isn't this a simply beautiful idea? But it also means being intentional about strengthening our marriage and choosing love each and every day. I'm pretty sure it has been true each day so far!

3) Become more like Jesus.
You grow so much as a couple when you begin to truly build a life together and make decisions together. You learn things about yourself, mostly how selfish you are, and you learn something new about your spouse everyday. I can think of  few better ways to become more like Jesus than [attempting to] exhibit unconditional, "agape" love, towards your spouse and serving each other daily. I've learned how important it is to pray for both my husband and our marriage. I have learned how to be more selfless. I've explored what the Bible says about conflict, finances, our roles as husband and wife, and I know that Justin has pushed me, as I have him, to continually become more like Jesus in the way we love each other and others. We are a team -- in our home and in ministry.

And that's all she wrote folks. Tomorrow morning, EARLY, we are headed to Honduras for a week long mission trip! Say a prayer for us!

I'm linking up for Wedding Wednesday at Little Big of Class Little Bit of Sass! 

Weekend Hodge Podge

Hi friends!

This post is going to seem a little random! I just have a hodge podge of things to share today- some weekend adventures, a link to an awesome article, and some of the professional pictures we had taken last week!

First up, I came across this blog post via Facebook and wanted to share: Marriage Isn't For You. 
It is a great post about what marriage is REALLY about, which is your spouse.

This weekend involved some cleaning, lesson planning, church, and time outdoors. After several busy weeks, a low key weekend to buckle down and catch up on some school work and housework was necessary. I was excited about an extra hour of sleep but I'm not fan of darkness at 6pm!

On Saturday hubby and I took a trip to Indian Springs State Park. We went with plans to bike the 6 mile trail between the park and Dauset Trails, a nature center. Well, the trail was a little more then we bargained for! It was NOT for the causal bike rider! But we were there, we had paid to park, so we went on our adventure anyway. This was only the second time I have been mountain biking, and I have to say, its not my cup of tea. I prefer more leisurely paths. We had a good laugh anyway and the scenery and weather were beautiful.

And here are some of my favorite pictures that Callie Lynch took last week an Enloe Farm in Franklin, NC! I can't wait to have some printed and I'm planning on framing some in my old window!

That's all for today!

My Husband Is My One Person

I might stir up some difference of opinions in this post, but isn’t part of blogging having an avenue to express your opinion?

I recently came across a blog post that was shared via Facebook. It was called, “My Husband Is Not My Soulmate.” I was intrigued, as you probably are, and had some of my own thoughts on the topic.

I also grew up during the era of “Kiss Dating Goodbye.” In fact, I read that book and several other books by the same author. I participated in Songs of Salomon Bible Studies on a few separate occasions. I learned all about courting vs. dating and the type of person I should be searching for. Unlike Hannah, I didn’t hear anything about a “soulmate,” and I didn’t write letters to my future spouse or think that he would be a worship leader or youth pastor (although my husband is!). I didn’t feel as if I personally had to “kiss dating goodbye,” but what I did gain from these Bible Studies and books was that dating and marriage was not something that was to be taken lightly. It was, and is, serious business. We date to find someone we want to spend our lives with and because we are better with that person than we are alone. If that is not why we are dating, then we have no business dating in the first place! Dating and all that can come with it is emotional, especially for girls. If you give away pieces of yourself to every guy or girl you meet, what is left for your future spouse?

Excuse my soap box. Dating is a topic I have always felt strongly about and when the subject has come up with youth I have always advocated the above views.

I also learned what the Bible said about the type of person I should be dating. Although Hannah slammed this practice, I even made a list of the qualities I wanted in my future husband. This list was not binding, and it underwent some changes through the years, but it was good guide that kept me grounded. It wasn’t unfair to men and while I had high expectations I knew that no one was perfect.I still support making a list. I think it can help you figure out what is really important and what isn’t. In fact, I still have my list and I love how my husband more than surpasses what I was looking for!

I must respectfully disagree with Hannah when she says that God doesn’t have a plan for who you marry or for really anything else in your life. Saying that Jeremiah 29:11 doesn’t apply to us because it was for a specific group of people at a specific time makes the rest of the Bible pointless as well. The entire Bible was written for specific people at specific times!

With my whole heart, I believe that God has plans for each us. Yes, like Hannah says, He does want to us grow to be more like Him, more holy. But he also has specific things that He leads us to while here on Earth. God has places He wants us to go, people He wants us to meet, lessons He wants us to learn, ministry He wants us involved in. Ask any Pastor who was called to the ministry- my husband will certainly tell you that it is part of God’s plan for his life to be a pastor! And for many of us (not all) that plan includes leading us to ONE certain spouse that He designed just for you.

Hannah’s right- although not in the way she meant-we have a do have a life ahead of us full of choices. We choose daily whether or not to seek God’s direction and plan for our lives and whether or not we are going to follow His lead.

However, I understand Hannah’s reluctance to use the term “soulmate” when referring to her husband. I understand that it seems to suggest that love is something she has no control over, whether falling IN love, or OUT of love. I absolutely agree with her when she says that her marriage is a daily choice to love. My marriage is too and anyone who has been married for a long time will tell you the same! And I love how she says that once you marry someone, they become your one person. Perhaps if more people had this mindset, divorce would be less common.

So, while I also might not necessarily refer to my husband as my “soulmate” either, he is certainly part of God’s plan for my life. I am so thankful that Justin is my one person. (Reminds of me Greys Anatomy!) And as we seek God’s plan for our lives together, I will choose to love him more and better than the day before. After all, marriage is one of God's greatest gifts.

Photo By: Mozingo Photography

Anniversary Celebration!

Last Tuesday (June 4) Justin and I celebrated 2 years of marriage! We were on the youth mission trip in North Carolina so we were not able to celebrate until yesterday. Although the kids did set up a private table for us for dinner! :)

 

Where has 2 years gone?! I know everyone says this, but time really does go by so fast! Last year we celebrated our fist anniversary with a camping trip that didn't turn out so well. It was cut short due to Justin being electrocuted because of lighting! We've had many big life changes in the last 2 years from moving away from home, starting (multiple) new jobs, buying our first house, Justin starting Seminary... whew the list is long! I'm so glad I've been able to share these adventures with this man! We've learned some life lessons the hard way, but now we know for the future right?

Allow me to brag on my husband for a minute ..  I couldn't have asked for a more supportive husband when I was laid off from my job and during the time I was searching for a new one. I have loved working on our house together .. he has helped to pick out colors and entertained my wishes for changing things or building something. And he cooks! Which is a good thing because this girl's cooking skills are limited, although steadily improving!

So to celebrate our 2nd Anniversary, Justin got me this:

It is printed on cotton, the traditional gift for 2 years!

Here is the table the youth set up for us in our "private" dining area!  A very sweet gesture! :)

And finally, when we returned back home we went out to Olive Garden!

  

So, here's to  many, many, more years together! I love you!

PS. You should listen to this song .. it is quite beautiful.