Marriage: True or False?

Marriage, a topic that is close to my heart. I've learned a lot in 3 years and I know there is still so much more to learn! This post is perfect for those who are newly engaged or if you have been married forever. I've taken a few common sentiments about marriage and tried to figure out which ones I have found to be true and which ones are false.

1) Never go to bed angry.

FALSE.

Maybe this works for a lot of couples, but personally, I need a chance to have some space and cool down. Plus, everything always looks better by morning! The anger is usually gone by then and you can think with a level head about the situation.

2) The first year of marriage is always really hard.

FALSE.

It just wasn't. Our first year of marriage was a natural transition and sure we had to make a few compromises but nothing that I thought was terribly hard. However, I do recognize that this can be a difficult time for many couples as they learn how to do life together!

3) Marriage is about finding your soulmate.

FALSE.

I am not sure I even believe in soulmates. Marriage is about finding someone else who makes you better and together you become more like Christ. It is about learning to serve each other and choosing every day to love each other unconditionally. Soulmates suggest that you can "fall out of love," but marriage is about choosing each other over and over again. (You can read more about that here.)

4) Your spouse is going to change.

TRUE.

Let's be honest, are you exactly the same person you were a year ago? 5 years ago? Of course not. You mature, you endure hardships, you take on new roles, and that changes us. That's okay. Sometimes even your interests change and that's okay too. They key is that you change together, in the same general direction, and you continue to love the people you are constantly becoming. 

5) You've got to live together first. 

FALSE.

I realize I am in the minority with my opinion on this. In fact, surrounded by Christian friends I was the only one who had not lived with a male before marriage- how's that for awkward? However, I stand by my opinion. I am not sure that the Bible speaks specifically to living together before marriage, but it does speak specifically to keeping yourself pure until marriage. Plus, you are cheating yourself out of part of the gift of marriage, which is a commitment to each other. That commitment is missing without the actual marriage. Research also says that couples who live together first are more likely to get divorced. I have been told by others that you don't really know each other until you "try out living together." Well of course not! That's part of marriage! I have heard some crazy, just silly reasons about why "it wouldn't work" as well. I could go on and on about this, but I would really recommend reading Getting Ready for Marriage by Doug Fields and Jim Burns.

6) Your spouse will complete you and fulfill all of your needs. You will never feel lonely again.

FALSE.

I think it is unfair for us to even place this expectation on our spouse. We all have a "God shaped hole" in our hearts that no man or woman can fill. Your fulfillment has to come from God, not something from this Earth.

7) Love is all you need. 

FALSE.

You also need to be able to support yourselves (Think about this one if you are super young and thinking about marriage!). You need communication. You need trust. You need selflessness. You need time together and time apart. You need to be able to resolve conflict  in a healthy manner. You need intimacy. 

8) Kids should be at the center of your attention. 

FALSE.

We don't have kids, so I can't speak to this specifically in our own marriage, but I do know from witnessing others' marriages, reading a lot on this topic,and thinking ahead to our future that you cannot let your world completely revolve around your  kids. Your kids will leave, but your spouse will still be there and you want to make sure you still know them. Plus, think about what your  kids could learn about marriage by watching yours. I think it is so important to make intentional time for each other and make each other a priority even after you have a child.

What would you add to this list??

I am linking up today at: Borrowed Heaven