Marriage: True or False?

Marriage, a topic that is close to my heart. I've learned a lot in 3 years and I know there is still so much more to learn! This post is perfect for those who are newly engaged or if you have been married forever. I've taken a few common sentiments about marriage and tried to figure out which ones I have found to be true and which ones are false.

1) Never go to bed angry.

FALSE.

Maybe this works for a lot of couples, but personally, I need a chance to have some space and cool down. Plus, everything always looks better by morning! The anger is usually gone by then and you can think with a level head about the situation.

2) The first year of marriage is always really hard.

FALSE.

It just wasn't. Our first year of marriage was a natural transition and sure we had to make a few compromises but nothing that I thought was terribly hard. However, I do recognize that this can be a difficult time for many couples as they learn how to do life together!

3) Marriage is about finding your soulmate.

FALSE.

I am not sure I even believe in soulmates. Marriage is about finding someone else who makes you better and together you become more like Christ. It is about learning to serve each other and choosing every day to love each other unconditionally. Soulmates suggest that you can "fall out of love," but marriage is about choosing each other over and over again. (You can read more about that here.)

4) Your spouse is going to change.

TRUE.

Let's be honest, are you exactly the same person you were a year ago? 5 years ago? Of course not. You mature, you endure hardships, you take on new roles, and that changes us. That's okay. Sometimes even your interests change and that's okay too. They key is that you change together, in the same general direction, and you continue to love the people you are constantly becoming. 

5) You've got to live together first. 

FALSE.

I realize I am in the minority with my opinion on this. In fact, surrounded by Christian friends I was the only one who had not lived with a male before marriage- how's that for awkward? However, I stand by my opinion. I am not sure that the Bible speaks specifically to living together before marriage, but it does speak specifically to keeping yourself pure until marriage. Plus, you are cheating yourself out of part of the gift of marriage, which is a commitment to each other. That commitment is missing without the actual marriage. Research also says that couples who live together first are more likely to get divorced. I have been told by others that you don't really know each other until you "try out living together." Well of course not! That's part of marriage! I have heard some crazy, just silly reasons about why "it wouldn't work" as well. I could go on and on about this, but I would really recommend reading Getting Ready for Marriage by Doug Fields and Jim Burns.

6) Your spouse will complete you and fulfill all of your needs. You will never feel lonely again.

FALSE.

I think it is unfair for us to even place this expectation on our spouse. We all have a "God shaped hole" in our hearts that no man or woman can fill. Your fulfillment has to come from God, not something from this Earth.

7) Love is all you need. 

FALSE.

You also need to be able to support yourselves (Think about this one if you are super young and thinking about marriage!). You need communication. You need trust. You need selflessness. You need time together and time apart. You need to be able to resolve conflict  in a healthy manner. You need intimacy. 

8) Kids should be at the center of your attention. 

FALSE.

We don't have kids, so I can't speak to this specifically in our own marriage, but I do know from witnessing others' marriages, reading a lot on this topic,and thinking ahead to our future that you cannot let your world completely revolve around your  kids. Your kids will leave, but your spouse will still be there and you want to make sure you still know them. Plus, think about what your  kids could learn about marriage by watching yours. I think it is so important to make intentional time for each other and make each other a priority even after you have a child.

What would you add to this list??

I am linking up today at: Borrowed Heaven

the art of thanksliving

Happy Thanksgiving friends!

2014 has certainly brought many moments and people to give thanks for! If you have been following my blog then you might remember that my One Word Resolution for 2013 was grateful and as extension and continuation my word for 2014 is content. I have been intentionally working to become more grateful in my life and give thanks for all circumstances for some time now!

 Last Sunday during his children's message, Justin told the children that he thought maybe God was sad on Thanksgiving because he wants us to give thanks everyday. Instead of just celebrating Thanksgiving one time a year, God wants to live a life of Thanksliving.

I think a light bulb might have gone off over my head-- you know how it is when someone says something you know you will remember. Thanksliving was a phrase I could really connect to. Thanksliving is much more than just thoughts or prayers--it is a call to action, it is a call to serve.

"The art of thanksgiving is thanksliving. It is gratitude in action. It is applying Albert Schweitzer's philosophy: 'In gratitude for your own good fortune you must render in return some sacrifice of your life for the other life." 

- Wilfred A. Peterson  

(Read the full essay of Peterson's "The Art of Thanksliving" by clicking above)

Thanksliving is also a call to give thanks in all circumstances, not just the enjoyable ones. It is so easy for thoughts of thankfulness to be swallowed with despair and worry. What a witness to God's grace and provision if you CHOOSE to live a full of thankfulness and peace even in the midst of adversity!

So I have gathered some ideas on ways to be intentional about becoming and showing more thanksgiving in our lives. However, it doesn't end here. In order to live a life full of Thanksliving, we have to heed to that call of action, service, and sacrifice. (Perhaps the season of Advent is the perfect time to share some of that Thanksliving spirit?!)

1) Thankful Jar
 I love this idea! Find a jar and some scraps of paper and write down what you are thankful for! This could become a family event each night at dinner or before bed.

2) Chalkboard or Dry Erase Boards
There are so many ways you could accomplish this- all you need is something to write with!

3) Journaling
This is the method that I personally use right now. I have a journal that write down my "praises" and my "prayers" in. I don't necessarily write every day but a few times  a week for sure. I love being able to look back and see how God has answered a prayer! (And if you attend TUMC then you know that Pastor Kyles practices this as well and has encouraged us all to join him!)

4) Thankful Tree
This would be a fun idea for a Thanksgiving centerpiece with an important purpose!

Ah, how much richer and fuller would life be if we would only choose to live in a continuous state of Thanksliving!

I mean that's one way to look at it ..

Have you seen this video?
(Sorry Iphone users .. you'll have to click this link!)

I'm not going to really speak much to it from a personal standpoint, because I know it can be quite the controversial issue, (okay so maybe I already have if you check out my Christian Mythbuster's Series!) but really, you should watch it, and give it some thought, and check out some responses and other views.

I mean that's one way to look at it, right Victoria Osteen?

Or maybe there are some other ways to look at it, such as these blog posts from Albert Mohler, Christian Net and The Matt Walsh Blog, or this video from John Piper. (Iphone click here)

So, ya'll, in conclusion, my prayer for each of us is that we don't become disillusioned into thinking our faith is about making us happy and comfortable and that we aren't seeking a shallow Gospel. Instead I pray that we seek after true faith- faith that is messy, dangerous, difficult, uncomfortable, and full of more joy and peace then we can imagine.

Can I get an Amen?

burdened or blessed?

It's been a month since we returned home from the beautiful country of Honduras. Hard to believe!

While we were there, our group witnessed some of the most extreme living conditions that I personally have ever seen. It left me with a hurting heart and some perspective about my own standard of living, but by the end of the week I was questioning even that perspective.

I came across this blog post titled The One Thing Christians Should Stop Saying, written by Scott Dannemiller from The Accidental Missionary, and even shared a good portion of it with our group on the last morning we were there. This post spoke to me in a way that has stayed with me and I wanted to share some of my own thoughts with you about it.

According to Dannemiller, the phrase we should stop saying is how "blessed" we are. Saying we are blessed may seem harmless, even grateful on the surface, but what does the Bible say about being blessed?

"First, when I say that my material fortune is the result of God's blessing, it reduces The Almighty to some sort of sky-bound, wish-granting fairy who spends his days randomly bestowing cars and cash upon his followers.....Second, and more importantly, calling myself blessed because of material good fortune is just plain wrong."

- Scott Dannemiller

I have written on this subject before in my Christian Mythbuster's series about how God doesn't want you to be happy. Instead, He wants us to be blessed. However, material items and circumstantial "happiness" are not the kind of blessings promised to us in the Bible. Matthew 5:1-12 clearly defines what God sees as blessings- when we come last, when we need comfort, when we are peacemakers, when we are persecuted, when we are pure, when we seek Him, when we show mercy, and when we are poor in spirit, or in other words, in desperate need of God. The Bible doesn't say we are blessed when we are comfortable or when we own a home and get a new car. As Dannemiller says, we hijack the word "blessed" to fit our American ideals. 

We all do this. I did this while in Honduras. Comments were made about how lucky we all were to have all of the "things" we have. But that's not truly being "blessed." Our American mindset has this all backwards. We associate the word "blessed" with good fortune and material possessions. The word "blessed" Jesus uses in Matthew 5:1-12 is from the Greek word makarios, which means to be happy or blissful, but it is referring to a self-contained happiness. That means that regardless of our outward circumstances we can have an internal happiness because of the hope we have in  knowing Christ as our Savior. We are blessed if we can find our purpose and fulfillment from God.

"The truth is, I have no idea why I was born where I was or why I have the opportunity I have. It's beyond comprehension. But I certainly don't believe God has chosen me above others because of the veracity of my prayers or the depth of my faith. Still, if I take advantage of the opportunities set before me, a comfortable life may come my way. It's not guaranteed. But if it does happen, I don't believe Jesus will call me blessed.

He will call me "burdened."

-Scott Dannemiller

No, instead of being blessed, we are burdened. We are burdened with material possessions and financial resources and the responsibility of what we will do with them. Will we use for the kingdom of God or for the kingdom of self? 

I pray that my response to this burden will be, like Dannemiller, to say, "Lord use me." And I also pray that I will continue to seek the true blessings in this life. 

And as far as Honduras goes .. the saying "I have left my heart in so many places .." was never more true!

vamos a Honduras! Part 3

Thanks for joining me one last time today as I finish sharing about our Honduran adventure! You can see my posts about our arrival and construction project here, and my post about ministering to people here.

Today I just wanted to finish up and share about our last day in Honduras. It was our "off" day and we took the time to do a little tourist shopping at a local pottery place.

After that we headed to a children's center. We had hoped to spend more time here during the week but the government is in the process of shutting down the centers all across the country. These centers serve as a sort of daycare for the poorest of the poor and many of the kids are the product of rape. The workers at the center provide the kids with clean clothes, a bath, and 1 meal a day. We had lunch with them and spent some time playing. (At this point we were totally wiped out by a long ride in the back of the truck in the searing sun and some of the group was sickly, including Justin who ended up going back to the hotel early)

Last but not least we took a trip to the market. It is an experience everyone should have .. you can buy anything there!

Our last night was spent in worship through song, gifts, devotional time, and just generally being together with our group, the Rubio's, and some other Honduran friends.

As I reflect on the week I am once again, as I always am with this type of trip, struck by the drastic differences in culture and social norms that our American minds simply can't understand. It seems to be a juxtaposition between "modern" and "old" in terms of how most Honduran's live and to us, as Americans, a conflict of priorities. And, as always, I am overwhelmed at the need. The need for clean water, for schooling past 6th grade (that's all the government will provide), for proper shelter, for proper food and nutrition, for a stable income, for shoes. I am also deeply saddened to know that with proper medical care and access to resources that Jose could be so much further along.

And I think that everyone should experience this on some level. Take your teenager and go an international trip - see it for yourself. It will change you, it will break for heart for what breaks the heart of Jesus.

Thanks for letting me share with you.

vamos a Honduras! Part 2

I'm back again today to share more stories and pictures from our trip to Honduras!

In my first post, (seen here) I shared about our arrival and project for the week- building a house for Jose and his family. But there was lots of other ministry going on as well. It is easy to become lost in the project and what you want to accomplish building wise-- but it is just as important to spend time in ministry with people.

There is a lot we can learn by thinking about the ministry of with. Justin preached this morning on this very topic, reminding us all before we can meet people's needs we must be simply be with them in order to find out what the needs are. And, often, our presence is all that is needed. Jesus spent 30 years exhibiting the ministry of with before beginning his official time in ministry. What a great of example for us!

So, essentially, that's what we did. We spent time in ministry with the people of this village. We saw needs we wouldn't have seen otherwise. And we were blessed because of it.

we spent lots of time playing with Jose and Estephanie (apparently I taught him to throw rocks!)

one of our team members teaches sign language and she was able to teach Jose a few signs! It was a really special moment to see him communicate in that way for the first time! She also taught his mom, Elsa, and some of the nearby kids as well.

we spent time with the other kids from the village .. there was always a gang of atleast 20 adults and children watching us!

one of our team members led a time of "Bible School" that involved reading a Bible story in Spanish, singing, and making crafts several days. It was really neat to some of the kids stick around and spend time reading the children's Bible on their own.

we gave out "witness" bracelets to the kids and some of our team members also made other bracelets with the kids. 

one of the most meaningful parts of the trip came on our last day at the work site. Each day when we ate lunch we felt terrible to be eating in front of so many who don't have enough to eat. One of our team members came up with the idea of feeding the entire village. Part of our group stayed back one morning to help prepare the meal and at lunch time we invited the entire village to come and eat!

That's all for today .. come back one more time for Honduras, Part 3!